You may or may not know this, but Taco Bell’s “Lava Sauce” (the special sauce on their Volcano-coined creations) is the best sauce on the entire planet. What few people realize is that you can order this addictively delicious ingredient added onto any item on the entire menu for an additional thirty cents. Ever since I discovered this, my need for the sauce has nearly consumed me. While I’ve gotten my self-control up to the level that allows me to only indulge in God’s personally prepared topping once or twice per week, there was a time for about a month where I was going literally every single day. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) for me, I was able to get my girlfriend hooked on the sauce just as bad. If we missed a day, we’d go twice the next day. It was THAT consuming.
Now that I’ve gotten myself weened down to a solo or double dose every week, I’ve decided to push the limits of the lava by gradually ordering it on every single item on the menu. Every week I’ll get two versions of a single item on the menu: one with lava, one without, and record my findings here. My only rules are no lettuce (because what the FUCK is the point of lettuce?) and no onions because I’m allergic. It’s like Super Size Me but a billion times more delicious because LAVA SAUCE.
First up:
The Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco
I’m going to start taking my own pictures with my phone, but I totally forgot this time.
What is it?
The Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco is basically their $.89 soft taco, except somewhere along the way they think it’s justified to charge an entire goddamn dollar to add ranch to it. It also comes with “fiesta sauce” which includes raw onions, and I wasn’t really in the mood to puke so I passed on that. Lettuce is also included because this is a clever way restaurants have found to pack all foods with flavorless rabbit food so their items will look bigger. No thank you.
How is it?
It’s good, but it’s not worth $1.89 to get ranch dressing on your dollar menu taco. Come on, Taco Bell. THINK.
How is it with Lava?
As my girlfriend pointed out when I floated this idea out there, this is going to quickly get redundant as hell because the answer will almost always be “better”. Well, guess what, it’s better. The ranch and lava actually worked together pretty awesomely to rock my taste buds just right. Is it worth the final cost of $2.29 for one taco? Nope, but you really probably shouldn’t bother with this option to begin with. Go home and add your own ranch if that’s really what you want.