A.K.A. Old Chicago’s World Beer Tour: Session 10
It’s been nearly a month since my last session, but that’s wasn’t quite long enough for me to forget my mission to finish off Germany. Last time I knocked out the first three of Deutschland’s alcoholic representatives (+ Foster’s) which left me with four. Unfortunately three of these were awful and one was mediocre. Not the best night in the world for beer.
Beer 37: St. Pauli Girl
Okay, I have to admit: I honestly thought this was going to be either a not-really-beer beer or something extremely mild like Dos Equis given that “Girl” was in the title. Turns out it’s named because of the girl on the label. Also turns out it’s one of the worst goddamn things I’ve ever drank in my life. Every sip made me die a little bit on the inside and I swear I said “I want to kill myself” at least two or three times throughout trying to choke this shit down. At the time, death seemed like a more bearable option than finishing St. Pauli Girl.
Beer 38: Warsteiner
Alright, so the first one sucked. No big deal. I always pick a horrible first beer. Turns out that after a pretty calm first session in Germany they had decided to put all the f*cking terrible German beers right next to each other on the second half of the list. While it can’t trump St. Pauli Girl for bad taste, Warsteiner is still not something I’d ever, ever care to drink again. It was more really, really weird than flat out horrible.
Beer 39: Spaten Specialty
By this point I had completely lost faith in Germany to the point that I very much did not want to continue. But it was just a matter of two more beers and I’d be free of them until at LEAST October (assuming there might be an Oktoberfest mini-tour). So I hesitantly ordered the next beer on the list, preparing for the worst. Taking a sniff, the smell seemed to verify my fears, but after a quick swig it turned out it was actually a very “meh” beer. Still far from good, but compared to the other two it was a godsend.
Beer 40: Warsteiner Dunkel
Spaten gave me hope that the final might be equally passable, but there was no such luck. This was like Warsteiner mixed with Guinness, and while I love Guinness, Warsteiner was some weird shit. For anyone keeping tabs, this is the third miss of the night and I think calling Spaten a “hit” would be a pretty extreme stretch, so all in all tonight was not the best night for my palet.
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Disclaimer: I make NO claim to be a beer connoisseur. I’m not judging based on being able to taste “this level of wheat” compared to “this thickness of foam” or whatever people that know things about beer care about. I don’t care about any of that. This is just based on how it tastes to me.