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Every other Wednesday (or more often than that) I get a day off work in exchange for working Saturday. This is called a comp day. This is also slowly becoming my official DVD Buying Day. Believe it or not, sometimes I like to watch movies without writing two pages essays on them, but I hate the idea of buying a bunch of new (or used) DVD’s and not even getting one blog post out of it.

And thus we have Comp Day Minis.

Third Edition: Wednesday, April 29 Purchases

(2 for $10 on Previously Viewed DVDs under $9.99 at Blockbuster)

1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

(SPOILERS)

No, this movie didn’t need to be made; the Indiana Jones series was doing just fine sitting in history as one of the great trilogies of all time. But they made this anyway, and I’m a completest and I really do think it’s an entertaining movie. The alien ending didn’t bother me in the least bit – the whole Area 51 thing makes it a perfect topic for the year this is supposed to take place, and the aliens are no more or less believable than any of the topics tackled in the three previous movies.

But yes, the refrigerator scene, the Shia LaTarzan scene and waaaaaay too much CGI should’ve been left out. I blame George Lucas for all of that.

2. The Incredible Hulk

Superhero movies are my favorite Action sub-genre. In fact, I probably have more superhero movies on my all time favorites list than most people would dare include. When Ang Lee’s Hulk came out in 2003, I was retardedly disappointed because, aside from the cast, it completely sucked. I hated it so much that I had hard time being excited when I heard they were finally giving it that sequel the end set you up for. I saw it in theaters with stifled hopes, but was very, very surprised.

The script was great, the cast was awesome, and the action was exactly the way the Hulk deserves to be treated. This was an instant jump onto my favorite comic-based movies list. I’m glad I finally have a copy.

3. There Will Be Blood

Truth be told, I’m not this movie’s biggest fan – I think the runtime is too long and the story is just a downer. So why did I buy it? Because on a technical level, it’s absolutely incredible. Daniel Day Lewis’ performance is one of the best in film history, and the cinematography is gorgeous. It’s just one of those movies where, while I won’t watch it regularly, it’s simply too good to not own when it only costs a measly five bucks.

4. Hairspray

Say whatever you want, but this movie is entertaining as all hell. I love music and I love movies, so musicals are good way for me to hit two birds with one stone if I’m in one of those moods where I want both at the same time. It’s the same reason Sweeney Todd, Once, Moulin Rouge, Newsies, Rent and every classic Disney movie are among the most often watched DVDs in my collection. The music in Hairspray is catchy and fun with a decent story and solid jokes to top it all off. I dig it.

5. Forgetting Sarah Marshall

I haven’t seen this movie since it was in theaters, but I remember really enjoying it at the time. I think it might be over rated when people call it the best R-rated comedy of the past few years, but it’s certainly very funny and well cast. I’m looking forward to watching it again.

6. Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

As I mentioned in Hairspray, musicals are a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine. Walk Hard is genius. I loved it when I saw it in theaters, and the soundtrack was one of my favorite albums for a little while in 2008. The music is soooooo good and the jokes are hysterical. I rewatched it thanks to Netflix Instant Play a couple weeks ago and decided I would have to buy it as soon as I could find a reasonably priced copy. And now I have.

I work 40 hours a week answering phones at my job. My co-workers and my boss are completely awesome, but for anyone that’s worked in some form of customer service, I’m sure you can understand it can be exhausting depending on the day and the customers. Fortunately, the way my schedule works, I get every other Wednesday off in exchange for working Saturday, which makes for a nice mid-week break.

The thing is, when you have Wednesday off and everyone else you know is working all day, that leaves a lot of time to do nothing in particular. Generally, I do a bunch of errands (today I got my oil changed, car washed, new wipers, etc.; last week I cleaned and did laundry), but somewhere along the way I always end up in front of a DVD rack. How far out of my way I go to make that happen isn’t the point.

I love bargain bins because they’re a great time to pick up old titles for my beloved DVD collection that I may have missed or didn’t deem QUITE good enough to pay full price for. And that’s what Comp Day Minis shall be for.

Believe it or not, I don’t like to write seven paragraph reviews for every movie I watch. I watch a lot of movies that are old favorites just because it’s something to watch or have playing in the background and never mention them. But I hate to spend $20-$30 bucks a week and not have any blogs to show for it.

First Edition: Wednesday, April 15 Purchases

($4.99 each at Best Buy)

1. Gremlins

Okay, so part of the reason I can’t review these is because quite a few of them are movies I’ve already reviewed. I hit this one last December because, surprisingly enough, it’s quite Christmas-y. I still love it.

2. Maverick

Here’s one I loved as a kid. Mel Gibson and James Garner are hilarious and this managed to put Jodie Foster very near the top of my nine-year-old dirty thoughts list. Yes, Jodie Foster. It also introduced me to poker, which, for whatever reason, seemed far more acceptable on my mother’s side of the family than my dad’s. Cards still remain a favorite pastime of mine, though one I rarely have the chance to play anymore.

3. Lars and the Real Girl

Another one I’ve already reviewed. After three viewings, this is slowly becoming one of my favorite movies (favorite meaning Top 250). Ryan Gosling’s performance is awkwardly hysterical and the bizarre concept is right up my alley.

4. TMNT

The Ninja Turtles were a huge part of my childhood. When they finally release a fourth installment in the film series a couple years ago, I HAD to see it, and I was pleasantly surprised. It’s a good mixture between kiddie comedy and darker comic book themes. The animation is a little sketchy on the human characters, but it’s still a fun movie.

Second Edition: Wednesday, April 22 Purchases

($5 bin at Wal-Mart)

1. Waiting…

A great, filthy, sometimes disgusting comedy about customer service. I’ve never waited tables, but a year and a half with Chick-Fil-A was enough to make it still feel like it hit close to home. The cast is a huge drive behind the Kevin Smith-iest movie not directed by Kevin Smith that I’ve seen.

2. Pleasantville

It’s been way too long since I’ve seen this in its entirety. I’ll either edit something in later or end up writing a full review. We’ll see.

3. Sleepless in Seattle

Say what you want, but this is a damn good movie. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are too awesome to hate on, the dialogue is fantastic, and the soundtrack is pretty classic. It’s a little cheeseball, but as far as chick flicks go, I’m a big fan.

4. The Exorcism of Emily Rose

The Signal put me in a big horror movie mood, so I grabbed a couple movies from last October’s Horrorfest. The Exorcism of Emily Rose review can be found here.

5. Saw II

And the Saw II review can be found here.

A.K.A. Old Chicago’s World Beer Tour: Session 5

I’m going to consider tonight a roaring success – though mainly because I’m being optimistic moreso than because it was actually a roaring success.  I lost by a landslide in pool, I learned that I hate Canadian Bacon by accidentally ordering it on my pizza, and none of the beers were even that good. But regardless: Victory is still mine. I knocked three countries completely off the list and that is enough for me.

Beer 17: Maharaja Premium Lager (India)

My thought process: Slumdog Millionaire was awesome. Slumdog Millionaire took place in India. Maharaja is from India. Maharaja must be awesome.

Plus, it was a one beer country, so that only fueled my interest further; it was an instant knock-out. Oddly, the beer smells like apple juice to me. Regrettably, the beer tastes like a lighter version of Japan’s Kirin Ichiban, the liquid pretzel batter beer. Sure, it wasn’t the smartest thing to base my expectations for a beer on a movie’s setting – in fact it didn’t make any sense at all – but I was still disappointed.

Beer 18: Sapporo (Japan)

After the above mentioned Kirin Ichiban from last week, I was a little scared to do Japan’s second and final beer on the tour, particularly since the only way to get it was in a 22 oz. can making it worth nearly two beers on its own. Luckily, I dug it. If there were a way to order it in more controlled portions, I’d be tempted to get it again. It doesn’t taste extraordinarily good, but overall it was a nice, smooth, amber beer. Not too dark, not too light. And thank god too, because 22 oz. would be a hell of a lot for a bad beer.

Fun fact: Should you ever be in an Old Chicago and feel a fight coming on, order a Sapporo. The 22 oz. can is the hardest can I’ve ever felt, and would make an excellent surprise-attack weapon. I swear to god they just took Rick Moranis’s machine from Honey I Shrunk the Kids and used it on unusually tall kegs.

Beer 19: Pillsner Urquell (Czech Republic)

The Czech Republic only had two beers repping on the list, so I figured I’d at least knock out half of it. When I ordered it, the bartender encouragingly declared “That’s a great beer”, but I think that’s realistically a more discouraging thing to hear from someone you’ve never drank with because you’re inevitably going to be judged after you’re done. Luckily, it wasn’t terrible, but it’s not something I’d ever order again unless I were on a second Tour. It has a really salty taste to it and drinks kind of like a light beer. Not a favorite.

Beer 20: Czechvar Premium Lager (Czech Republic)

Since both Czech beers were simple bottles, I decided I didn’t have any reason to not just finish the country off and call it a day. Czechvar was less salty-tasting and thus more drinkable than Pilsner, but still pretty dull. I think the moral of this story is that there’s officially no reason to go to the Czech Republic at all.

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Disclaimer: I make NO claim to be a beer connoisseur. I’m not judging based on being able to taste “this level of wheat” compared to “this thickness of foam” or whatever people that know things about beer care about. I don’t care about any of that. This is just based on how it tastes to me.

My friend Brian has a section of his blog where he blogs about everything he eats on a (mostly) daily basis. I have no logical reason why, but this concept fascinates me. I check it every single day because it’s a quick, easy stop on the interweb and I highly recommend you check it out – especially if you ever reach my levels of boredom late at night.

As for me, I’ve always, always been a picky eater. My meals consist of bread, meat, cheese, and likely either potato or corn related products. I eat like a billion calories per day. And that makes me happy. I like to think I’ve gotten slightly less picky as I’ve grown up, but seeing how I’m personally paying for the food I eat, I certainly don’t see any reason to waste perfectly good money on things I don’t enjoy (awful beer not included in that statement). But even in the event I’m NOT footing the bill, there are a few common food products I still won’t touch regardless of how hungry I am.

You know how your parents would always say, “There are starving children that would be happy to have that”? Well that had absolutely no sway over the fact that these foods clearly weren’t worth eating.

5.  Olives

What’s the point? The black ones trick me into thinking they’re grapes (which are awesome) at first glance and the green ones just make me wish they were jalapenos.

4. Guacamole

Seriously? Just look at it. That, my friend, might as well be a bowl full of snot.

3. Mustard

Not a food, I realize. Also not a good adjective to follow or start anything you might try to convince me to eat. Even thinking about the smell makes me gag.

2. Green Beans

Not that most vegetables taste legimately good to begin with, but at least broccoli, peas, and carrots are mostly flavorless. To me, green beans have a very specific “awful” flavor to them. I literally can’t stand them.

1. Onions

This one sort of shouldn’t count because I technically have an onion intolerance. Truth be told, I don’t mind how onions taste in the least bit, I just also don’t like throwing up or having temporary lock jaw so I don’t eat them. It’s not a full blown allergy in the sense that I could die from it, but there is definitely a medical connection to the fact that every time I have them, I get physically sick. Salsa and Asian food are my biggest weaknesses on this one, because I love both of those so much that it’s not that uncommon for me to just gorge myself on them regardless of how sick I may become.

A.K.A. Old Chicago’s World Beer Tour: Session 4

Saturday was retarded. After working 8 to 5, one of my old friends from high school was coming down to Port City just because. So from roughly 7PM until midnight was like back to back to back Rum and Cokes with a few Blue Moons thrown in for good measure while we watched random Adult Swim cartoons on DVD and one of the worst movies I’ve seen in my life. I’m not sure how many I had by the end of the night, but if I had to pick a number my best guess would be too many.

That probably seems pretty irrelevant to the World Beer Tour, but you have to keep in mind I spent most of Sunday getting over Saturday night, so once Old Chicago-time finally rolled around, I wasn’t remotely excited about drinking more. I was completely recovered, I just didn’t want any kind of alcohol at all; at least not for another week. But nay. I have responsibilities and those responsibilities include judging at least a couple new beers per week on this blog. I’m no quitter.

I was planning on only having MAYBE two and just hanging out the rest of the time, but either these were all super light, my tolerance is actually growing, or it was just the fact that compared to the night before this was child’s play, because I didn’t even get a buzz until half-way through my fourth (you’re only allowed four a week on the Tour). This morning when I woke up, it was like it never happened.

Beer 13: Kirin Ichiban (Japan)

I’ve got quite the eye for picking out bad beers for my first choice. Japan only has two beers on the list and the second was a 22oz. can which I knew I definitely didn’t feel like tackling, so that left me with Kirin Ichiban if I wanted to explore the land of the rising sun. Bad decision. Kirin Ichiban tastes like liquified pretzel batter. I’d still rather drink two of these than have one Carlsberg, but it’s definitely not a good beer at all – just on the border of being officially “awful”. After this one I decided to order my beloved buffalo tenders just to be safe.

Beer 14: Skipjack Amber Ale (Missouri, America)

Meh. There’s literally nothing to say about this beer. It’s a beer. It’s not especially good or bad. It just is. This beer is so passable I couldn’t even find ONE normal label to use for the picture. Just a draft handle that isn’t even hooked up to anything. I wouldn’t order it again based solely on its astounding mediocrity.You let me down Missouri.

Beer 15: Guinness Stout (Ireland)

This was my first full pint of Guinness. Before last night, I had only had it mixed with either Blue Moon or Woodchuck. I feel pretty safe to say I’m a big fan. The taste isn’t extraordinary, but the beer itself is just sooooo smooth that I loved it. It might go down the best of any of the beers I’ve had. This may have pushed Blue Moon into third place for me. Newcastle is still winning overall though.

Beer 16: Woodchuck Amber Hard Cider (Vermont, America)

Since it had been a pretty mediocre night all around (between not actually wanting to drink and the bar being too crowded to play pool), I decided to just order something sweet and call it a night. Woodchuck is pretty delicious and it also has the added bonus of sort of looking like an actual beer when it’s just in a glass. In fact, it’s sort of frightening, because it doesn’t taste like it has ANY alcohol in it but it’s just as strong (or weak) as most beers. This isn’t an actual beer (nor is Smirnoff Ice), so it doesn’t fit anywhere in my Top Beers list, but as far as general alcoholic beverages go, this is one of the best tasting ones I’ve had. It’s basically apple juice.

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Disclaimer: I make NO claim to be a beer connoisseur. I’m not judging based on being able to taste “this level of wheat” compared to “this thickness of foam” or whatever people that know things about beer care about. I don’t care about any of that. This is just based on how it tastes to me.

A Retrospective Look Into My Childhood Toys

(Particularly Focusing on the Standard Plot Progression My Average
Action Figure Adventures Would Follow When I Was Eight Years Old)

Why? Because I was bored and it seemed like a fun, nostalgic topic. It just hit me how extraordinarily long this post is going to be. Enjoy.

The Hero: Storm Shadow (G.I. Joe)

Storm Shadow was by FAR the most badass G.I. Joe I owned. He’s a ninja, which, as far as my eight-year-old mind knew, was basically what I wanted to be when I grew up. Not to brag too much, but I had f*cking perfected G.I. Joe ninjitsu. So much so that I would get irritated when other children would play with them and display unbelievably inferior battles between the characters. Storm Shadow was my hero. I don’t think there’s a single toy he didn’t beat up at some point in my career as a professional 8-year-old.

The Damsel in Distress: Princess Leia (Star Wars)

It’s important to remember that in addition to your typical children’s shows I was also raised by Nintendo. Bowser capturing Princess Peach seemed to work as a good plot device for all four Super Mario games up to that point, so of course my little action figure adventures were going to steal it as the driving motivation for dear Storm Shadow.

It’s safe to say that 99% of my toys were male characters, since afterall, ass-kicking was the most important aspect of toys to an 8-year-old boy. Damsel in Distress options were pretty much limited to Princess Leia, Slave Girl Leia, Endor Leia, or Award Ceremony Leia (don’t worry, I had just as many versions of Luke and Han). Alternately, I could’ve used Mon Mothma, but, seriously, why the hell would Storm Shadow care about saving that?

The Sidekick: Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

Fact: Raphael is the best Ninja Turtle. He’s a complete asshole, he’s a rebel, and he’s the only Ninja Turtle that screams swear words through the streets of New York. But since he was an animal, clearly he never stood a chance with the damsel in distress because beastiality is gross. This limited him strictly to the role of “Super-Awesome Sidekick”.

Other Good Guys:

Every epic battle has to have casualties. The annoying fact that Stormtrooper/Cobra Soldier/Foot Soldier toys cost exactly the same as toys of REAL characters, meant the only way to have a truly epic battle was to Frankenstein all of these franshises together.

If a GI Joe toy looked cool (i.e. like a ninja) and didn’t have an obvious Cobra symbol anywhere on him, he was a good guy. Likewise, Michaelangelo and Donatello (the Ninja Turtles, that is) were also good guys albeit ones that may need to be sacrificed in the name of justice (and saving Princess Leia). Han, Chewie and Luke might also get in on the action. C-3PO has a 99% chance of dying.

The Villain: Some Sort of Super-Villain Club

Did you ever wonder if Jabba the Hutt, Cobra Commander, Darth Vader, Leonardo the Ninja Turtle (that’s right), Destro and the Jurassic Park Velociraptor were in cohorts? Well, wonder no more, because the answer is yes. Yes, they were. Most of them are clearly pure evil, but Leonardo is conflicted and the Velociraptor might eat his own men. They’re quite a ragtag bunch.

Other Bad Guys:

You may be thinking, “But you already have SIX lead villains.” Yes, I do. And you know what? I like epic endings and it is a scientific fact that Storm Shadow can kill every single one of those bastards in a six to one fight – not even factoring in a little help from Raphael. So of course every other toy I had that didn’t look cool enough to be a good guy was blade and foot fodder for the heroes. Other bad guys were everything from your typical Stormtooper to that stupid rabbit from Ninja Turtles.

The Bad Guys Base: GI Joe Headquarters

This is by far one of the coolest headquarters ever put to plastic. Yes, it has GI Joe written all over it, but just pretend the Super-Villain Club took over it and you’re good to go. This thing has far too many fun spring-loaded “explosive” parts to be the hideout for the good guys.

Possible Story Tweaks: What a twist!

1. Leonardo decides to stop being a douchebag and saves Raphael from death at the last second.

2. Raphael is in love with Princess Leia (clearly this is not allowed).

3. Princess Leia is in love with Raphael (Princess Leia is probably going to die via Storm Shadow…or maybe even Raphael).

4. IT’S A TARP!

5. Luke converts Darth Vader to the good side of the Force and they save the day together.

6. The velociraptor kills everyone.

7. The bad guys win.

8. Storm Shadow takes out everyone completely by himself – except Princess Leia because they are going to start a family.

Those are the only twists on the plot I can remember actually using. I could probably make some new ones up but that would defeat the purpose of this post.

And that is how I spent my downtime as an eight-year-old.