improbable fiction

My review of the latest GLEE episode!

Episode title: The Power of Madonna

Premise: All songs all about Madonna allllll the time.

Songs sung:

Express Yourself- Sung by: The Gals of the Glee club

Borderline/Open Your Heart- Sung by: Rachel and Finn

Vogue- Sung by: Coach Sylvester

Like a Virgins- Sung by: Fynn/Santana, Rachel/Jesse, Mr. Schue/Emma

4 Minute- Sung by: Mercedes and Kurt

What it Feels Like for a Girl- Sung by: The guys of Glee club and Mr. Schue

Like a Prayer- Sung by: Glee Club

Thoughts/Comments/Concerns: **minor spoilers below**

My dear Internet, I cannot lie. I didn’t like this episode a whole lot. I mean, it was really good and there were more than a dozen times I was laughing and really interested in it. I think the problem was the fact that the entire episode was devoted to Madonna, which took away some of the Glee magic.

As far as the songs go, I thought they were all very well done. Express Yourself was fun times, with an interesting/likable choreography (as opposed to the usual one are waving in the air that usually happens). The Borderline/Open Your Heart mashup was really, really good. I think Finn’s character is actually singing much better than he has been. The frame-by-frame recreation of Vogue was amazing on it’s own, but the fact that Coach Sue sang it made it absolutely freaking fantastic. Gosh, I love Jane Lynch.

Like A Virgin was quite interesting. The three “couples” were (mostly) all trading in their v-cards. Throughout the song they showed each of the couples gear up for the dirty deed, with each performing the same choreography. Trust me, it was much better than the description I am painting for you. 4 Minutes was fantastic for the simple fact that who knew?! Kurt can sing like a boy! I liked that they joined the Cheerios. Should add a little spice to mix. What it Feels Life for a Girl was the most awkward/unnecessary song and I am not even going to acknowledge its existence anymore.

Like a Prayer was absolutely the best song on Glee this episode, and dare I say, it is most definitely one of the top three Glee songs of all time.

Final thoughts:

Overall I thought this was good, not great. Definitely not as good as last week’s episode. I also don’t particularly enjoy the fact that the message they are conveying is being a virgin is bad. I mean, Emma tells Schue she’s never had sexual relations and he freaks out, turns around, and starts making out with some woman he has known for all of two minutes. Then everyone is all “you need to lose your virginity!” Speaking as a virgin who is not ashamed, I don’t think it is all that important to give it up the second you hit high school/college. There are plenty of guys on my campus I could give it up to, but I think it is important to wait. While others may not think agree, there are many impressionable young women (and men!) watching this show. If you force it into their head they need to give it up to get respect from a guy, you are opening the door to many problems down the road. *gets off soapbox*

I did enjoy this episode. It wasn’t the worst of Glee episodes, but I hope next week’s is much improved.

Last night was an all new episode of GLEE! marking a brilliant return for the back nine episodes of the season. Originally they planned for, and shot, 13 consecutive episodes with a nice wrap up in case the show did not get picked up for a full season. The show aired and did much better than they ever anticipated, so they took a mid season hiatus (which most shows do now) and filmed the last nine episodes. Like I said, the first of these aired last night and this show is so awesome and so amazing that I think I am going to start a new series on Improbable Fiction where I write about each episode.

Episode title: Hell-O

Premise: Find songs to sing with the word Hello in the title.

Songs sung:

Hello, I Love You- Originally by The Doors, sung by Finn

Hello, Goodbye- Originally by The Beatles, sung by Glee Club (leads: Rachel and Finn)

Hello- Originally by Lionel Richie, sung by Rachel and Jesse St. James

Gives You Hell- Originally by The All-American Rejects, sung by Glee Club (lead: Rachel)

Highway to Hell- Originally by AC/DC, sung by Vocal Adrenaline (lead: Jesse St. James)

Thoughts/Comments/Concerns: **minor spoilers below**

I think the true reason I really liked this episode because it was totally baby-drama free. For those of you who watched the first 13 episodes religiously like me, you will know exactly what I am talking about. Quinn, Finn, Puck, Schuester, Terry- way, way too much confusion and annoyance.

As far as characters go, Schuester is one creepy/kind of terrible teacher and quite frankly a hot mess. I wouldn’t mind if they cut him off the series. Sadly, that will never happen so we are forced to look at his awkward facial expressions forever. The relationship between Shuester and Emma is both cute and, of course, awkward. The fellow Glee clubbers are being a tad nicer to Rachel (until they force her to end her relationship with Jesse St. James or face expulsion from the club) which is a nice change of pace. I got really tired of them hating her so much, especially when there wasn’t any necessary reason. Mercedes still gets on my nerves a lot a lot, but she was hardly in this episode so it was bearable.

Sue Sylvester was in rare form and had some exceptionally awesome new lines. I can’t express how much I love her- one of the best television villains by far. Part of me wishes they would give her even more screen time, but the little bursts of Sue throughout the episode makes her scenes even more brilliant. I am really, really excited about next weeks episode which will most likely feature a LOT of Sue. (Huzzah!)

And now it is time for a NEW CHARACTER ALERT! I am extremely, extremely, EXTREMELY EXCITED for this new character that it requires me to type in ALLLL CAPS. The actor’s name is Jonathan Groff. Don’t be surprised if you have never heard of him, as he is new to the television/movie scene mostly because he is very well known in the world of Broadway as Melchior from Spring Awakening. ***Fun trivia fact: Lea Michelle (Rachel Berry) was the love interest of Jonathan Groff in Spring Awakening.***  Now, Spring Awakening is just absolutely amazing and the music is…brilliant (for lack of better adjective). Duncan Sheik is a musical god. (Side note: he is working on a new musical called Whisper House. The music is hauntingly beautiful and everyone should own the soundtrack.) But I’m getting wildly off topic. Jonathan Groff sang in Spring Awakening and was orgasmic, and he did not disappoint in tonight’s episode. I can’t wait to see more and more of him.

I should also quickly mention the amazing Idina Menzel who make an appearance in the episode as well. She looked really good and her character is going to be a whirlwind of fun.

In regards to the musical selections, I was rather pleased. I liked each of the renditions and I don’t think Leah could sing poorly if she tried. I noticed that three of the five songs were sung in full, which is unusual for Glee. In the first 13 episodes they sang bits and pieces of the majority of the songs, performing only a few in their entirety. It was good because they were able to fit more songs in the episode, but they are such good singers I like to hear them perform the entire song.

Final thoughts:

This was a great episode to start things off with, as you can definitely see slight changes for the better. I can’t wait to see where they take the Finn/Rachel/Jesse St. James love triangle, and with next weeks Madonna themed episode and future Lady Gaga musical numbers, this show is only going to get better.

I was thinking of a list to do for Bullshish, and happened to notice that Steel Magnolias was on the television. Suddenly I had a brilliant idea- a list of movies that make me cry! Sounds like FUN, huh? But then I actually had to make the list and remember all these sad moments, and suddenly it wasn’t so fun. But anyway, here is the list of movies that make me cry every single time I watch them. Just so you understand the level of tears, number 14 is what makes me cry the least, and my number one tearjerker is aptly placed at…number one. Spoilers were kept to an absolute minimum.

#14: Atonement

This movie is just overall depressing. You think the two characters have a chance to get together in the end (or make it to the end) and then BAM you find out it was all a lie and no one gets to be happy and Briony is a nasty, nasty wretch of a sister.

#13: Aarmageddon

This movie is so good and so sad. When I was younger and this movie had first come out, I was all aboard the Ben Affleck train. My gosh he was BEAUTIFUL. But then he drew the short straw and almost had to die but then he was shoved back so he could stay alive and marry Grace and Grace had to say good bye to her dad via live video feed and…tears all around.

#12: Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium

Okay, so this movie doesn’t seem like it would be tear-inducing, but have you seen the ending? And that speech Magorium makes? SO SAD! I, naturally love it because it talks about Shakespeare and I have a mild obsession with him. But the speech itself is so sweet, and so very sad it makes me cry every time.

#11: Green Street Hooligans

I’m not going to ruin the ending to this movie, because if you haven’t seen it you need to. I love this movie so so so much. However, the ending of this is so freaking sad, and you know it is coming the entire time but you just don’t want it to happen.

#10: Bridge to Terabithia

You guys. I watched this movie and had no idea it was going to make me cry so much! This movie is so deceptively sad it made my grandpa cry! (He was nice enough to watch it with me. He hated it too.)

#9: The Phantom of the Opera

All I have to say is, when the Phantom is alone, at the end, singing a teary version of Masquerade and holding the music box… I cry oh so very much. The Phantom is my favorite character (I even wrote a paper for class arguing that he was simply a misunderstood person, not a villain) and when he is sad it makes me sad. Stupid Christine.

#8: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Awww this is more that the movies are over than anything that actually happens in the movie. I usually start to cry when they are all saying goodbye and Frodo is all “BAM! I’m not coming back.” And Sam is all “SAY WHAAAT? I just saved yo ass from fire and doom and I had to endure months with Gollum and this is the thanks I get?” Very sad indeed.

#7: Fried Green Tomatoes

Okay this movie makes me cry in many different places. But the one that is the most traumatic happens (minor spoiler alert) within the first twenty or so minutes involving Buddy, played by the beautiful Chris O’Donnell, a stuck shoe, and a train. What a sad way to go.

#6: Moulin Rouge

You know at the beginning what is going to happen, but by the time you get to the end, you’ve somehow forgot. But then Ewan starts sobbing and I start sobbing and then I’m all why did I watch this movie! GOSH!

#5: Steel Magnolias

I cry in this movie Every. Single. Darn. Time. When Sally Fields’ character is at the funeral and talking about Shelly and she basically goes CRAZY and screaming that she was supposed to go first and it gets me every time. SO SAD!

#4: Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood

There are quite a few moments in this move that make me cry. I think the one scene that stands out the most is when Ashley Judd’s character goes crazy, starts beating her kids up, then runs away and pawns her ring. Doesn’t sound as sad as it is, but trust me. Very, very emotional scene within the context of the movie.

#3: Titanic

I think this is pretty obvious.

#2: P.S. I Love You

The reason this is above Titanic is that I actually cry throughout this entire movie. Literally from when she is all alone in her house, to the closing credits- I’m crying. Sobbing. Weeping. When I saw this in the theater, there was no woman there that wasn’t crying.

#1: Tristan and Isolde

This movie is so sad I can’t even watch it anymore. I’ve seen it a total of five or so times, and I cry fifteen minutes in. No, I’m actually not exaggerating this time- I can’t watch past the first fifteen minutes of this movie because I know what is coming up and it is far, far to sad to watch. Biggest tearjerker movie EVER.

Honorable Mentions: American History X, The Green Mile

I didn’t put these on the list because they don’t actually fit the rules. Yes, I sobbed when I first watched them, but I absolutely refuse to watch them again. I assume they would make me cry every time I watched them, but I’ll never find that out.

So there you have it, my list of movies that make me cry. Do you have any, or are you a robot who doesn’t cry? I’m sure there are more I could have included, but these are the 14 that make me cry every time I watch them.

Last year I did an overview of Oscar Fashion. It was so much fun I am going to do it again (instead of homework). Luckily I had far more people on my best dressed/ good list than I had on my bad. So here we go!

Let’s start with the best dressed category of the evening.

This was probably the hardest category. There can only be one winner for best dressed male and female! After a lot (A LOT) of deliberation, my vote goes to:

Demi Moore and Zac Efron.

Demi’s Atelier Versache dress was SO beautiful; I was obsessed with it all night. At first, I didn’t even recognize her! The more they showed this dress, the more I fell in love with it. The color of the dress perfectly matched her skin tone, and the fit was stunning. I loved the bodice, and usually I am not a fan of the ruffles under the waist, but she really pulled it off. She didn’t overdo the jewelry, which really worked. Simply gorgeous. Zac Efron got a “HOLY FRICK” out of me, which means he stepped it up a notch from last year’s hair disaster. Not to go into too much detail (because my dad reads this blog- hi dad!) but that suit fit him NICELY. Good grief he is a hottie.

And now for the honorable mention best dressed:

Cameron Diaz and Tom Ford

Cameron looked shockingly beautiful in her Oscar de la Renta gown. I say shockingly because, for once, her hair, dress, jewelry and makeup all worked in her favor and she looked… put together. Also, she was missing the ever present gum that she is always seen chewing during awards shows. I was very surprised when she stepped onto the red carpet. I wish she could do this look always! And of course, Tom Ford looked beautiful in his own creation.

Rachel McAdams and Maggie Gyllenhaal

I think Rachel McAdams is one of the most beautiful women in all of Hollywood, and she looked so lovely in the lively Eli Saab dress. Her hair and makeup created the perfect ensemble. Maggie also went for a bolder pattern and looked beautiful. Maggie is always hit or miss for me (mostly miss) but I loved this Dries Van Noten gown the second I saw it.

Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds

Rounding out the best dressed honorable mentions are Sandra and Ryan. Sandra looked beautiful in her Marchesa gown. Her hair was quite lovely and her makeup was very natural looking which went well with her dress. And when does Ryan NOT look good?

Moving on, we come to the “Almost There” category:

Miley Cyrus and George Clooney

Miley’s dress was stunning….from the waist down. I feel like the designer (Jenny Packham) forgot to finish the top of the dress. Of course, Miley’s slouching posture didn’t help things. I think she could have made it work if she would have kept her shoulders up like a normal person. And I love me some George C, but come on. What was with his hair?

Zoe Saldona and Kate Winslet

Zoe’s Givenchy dress looks great from the waist up. And Zoe’s dress looks good from the waist down. But these two halves make a rather terrible whole. The color, however, looked beautiful on her! And Kate’s Yves Saint Laurent gown looked lovely, but I don’t particularly like the color of this dress on her skin tone and the semi-awkward waistline.

Anna Kendrick and Sarah Jessica Parker

Anna is beautiful and this Elle Saab gown is beautiful, but I feel as though the color washes her out. Yes, she wears it quite nicely, but I think it would have been pretty in a slightly darker hue. SJP is known for her outrageous dresses, and I must say I disliked this Chanel Couture at first. However, as the night progressed it looked better and I grew to semi-like it. I just think it has an awkward fit. It if was more fitted to her body, it would have looked fabulous!

Meryl Streep and Charlize Theron

Okay, now. I love Meryl Streep but I have always hated her outfits. They are dull, boring, and don’t fit her very well. This year’s Chris March gown was better than last, but I still wasn’t a fan. The white was lovely and fresh, but I didn’t really like the hemline. Charlize’s Dior Haute Couture dress definitely caused some controversy, but honestly I kind of like it! I think the roses are outrageous and thought they maybe should have been a band of roses around the waistline. But the fit is great and the color looked fantastic on her.

And finally we come to the Worst Dressed section. This year my pick for the absolute worst dressed is:

Vera Farmiga

Holy Frick this dress is horrid. I mean really, really horrid. The color looks beautiful on her, but then I’m like, what the frick is she doing wearing a fan? What is weird is this gown is made by Marchesa, as was Sandra Bullock’s gown. I wonder what went wrong. I just….words just can’t…. must. go. throw. up.

Worst dressed honorable mentions go to:

JLO and Diane Kruger

JLO is lovely, but this Armani Prive dress has a lot of…stuff going on. A lot of bad stuff. And I think Diane is absolutely beautiful, but this dress is a mess. I love the top, I love the ruffles, and I love the train, but I hate it all together. This dress has the potential to be simply stunning, but it ended up a mess.

Well there you have it. Feel free to let me know if you agree/ disagree with my choices! Or if I left some people off this list that you would have loved to see!

Last year I did an overview of the OSCARS…FASHION. I know the boys on Bullshish will cover the actual awards which leads me to believe that no one will give the fashionistas justice. Let’s, for a moment, review some of the highlights from last year.

We will start with the best dressed category of the evening.

Kate Winslet looked absolutely stunning in her Atelier Yves Saint Laurent (by Stefano Pilat) gown. From her hair to her dress to her jewelry- it was all very elegant. I loved the detailing of the dress, the back was quite beautiful, the fit was fantastic and she carried it well. Her makeup was very natural which is good, because some celebs tend to go overboard and look trashy.  Hugh Jackman looked quite dashing (when does he not) in his custom made three piece tux.

I know I am one of the very, very few, but I actually liked Miley Cyrus‘ Zuhair Murhad dress. This poor girl can’t win for losing. The fit was beautiful and she carried it well. I liked the layering and sparkle, and the belt added an interesting twist to the dress. Her hair was age-appropriate in a fun up-do. Her jewelry was a great accent and not overbearing. Overall I really liked it. Marion Cotillard took a big risk in this Haute Couture dress. And it worked for her. I liked it- the craziness from the waist down, the bodice from the waist up. Her hair was great too. She is beautiful- I loved the complete look.

Now lets get to the “almost there” category.

I don’t know what it was, but there was something about Freida Pinto’s John Galliano dress that I didn’t like. I actually can’t make up my mind if I liked it or not. I think it is the sheer overlay on the bottom. Although I do admit she is a beautiful woman and that color looked great on her. Reese Witherspoon is a beautiful person, and one of my favorite actresses. This is simply a case of an ill-fitting Rodarte gown. The colors are beautiful together and they look great on her, but the weird midsection and awkward “straps” do nothing for her fantastic figure. Her eyeshadow was pretty though.

And finally we find ourselves in the worst dressed category.

Hopefully I do not have to explain why Sophia Loren is the worst dressed of the night (wearing a gown by Armani). Mickey Rourke looked downright awful in his outfit. And just a little tip Mickey- there is this thing they sell in stores, called shampoo, and it will do wonders for your hair. You should try it out sometime!

Wellll here you have my look back at last year’s best and worst. I can’t wait for tonight; I really hope the gals bring it. If I had to pick “predictions” I would say Sandra is going to look stunning and Helen Mirren will be beautiful as always. I never really am a huge fan of Meryl Streep’s dresses, but she at least looks elegant. Penelope Cruz always has a beautiful gown and a great story to go with it, so I’m quite excited for that. Maggie Gyllenhaal is usually hit or miss, though she has been turning it out these past few months with premiers and whatnot, so who knows? I’m thinking (hoping) she will kick it up a notch tonight. But, of course, the most beautiful person to grace the Oscars will (undoubtedly) be…..Matt Damon. Duh.

Okay, before I begin this post I must address the cause of my absence-I was studying abroad in New Zealand for the entire month of January. While there I took a film class, and Heavenly Creatures was one of the required films we had to watch and answer questions about. While studying we stayed in Christchurch, the setting of the film, and went to the various set locations. Readers beware. This post contains spoilers.

I had heard of Heavenly Creatures before, but never actually seen it, so when my professor assigned it I was quite happy. The movie is about two young girls who meet in school and develop a deep connection with each other. When their friendship is torn apart by their parents, they plan their revenge. I knew of the story line, but I never knew this was actually based on a true story. Knowing that, when we went to the girls school, the original university, the Hulme’s house and the murder site, it took on a whole new (creepy) meaning.

I found this movie to be very well paced and I never experienced a dull moment. The storyline was very interesting and the subject of Pauline and Juliet’s relationship is something that is still widely discussed today. Were they just friends? Or was their relationship something more? Or were they just acting out the fantasy of Charles and Deborah? (Fee free to state your opinions in ze comments.)

I love, love, love Kate Winslet and she certainly does not disappoint in this movie. At first viewing I didn’t care for the way she handled the character; she seemed too over the top and quite annoying. But as the story continued I found that it was the only way to portray a character like that, as she and Pauline ARE over the top and CRAZY. Melanie Lynskey was just fantastic as Pauline. I was seriously scared of that girl and I was just watching her. No wonder she didn’t have friends at school! I would have stayed far, far away from that. (Completely random comment: I find it adorable that Melanie was the hand double for the infamous car scene in Titanic. Moving on…) Sarah Peirse was brilliant as Honora and I felt so badly for her! *tear* The rest of the cast was quite lovely as well.

Overall I loved, loved this movie, though I must admit I was rather sad to learn the fate of the girls at the end of the movie. Not because of what they did, but because they were forced to never see each other again. I know, I know, I probably shouldn’t feel that way because they, you know, MURDERED PAULINE’S MOTHER, but still. It made me sad. Basically, this movie was brilliant and you should see it if you haven’t.

Oh, and below are some of the pictures from the actual sites! Enjoy!

This was the high school the girls attended.

This was the Hulme's house, which is now the faculty center.

This was the back yard for the Hulme's house, where the girls spent a lot of time running through the woods and randomly taking thier clothes off.

Where the final scenes of the movie were shot. Quite creepy in the woods, so no pictures.

Yeah, I know. Bullshish is a place for movies. But I’ve been known to talk about books here and there, and I mean COME ON. I completed a New Years Resolution for like, the first time… EVER. At least that I can remember. So yeah. Enjoy.

Okay, okay, okay boys. Calm down. I know you dislike hate LOATH the Twilight series (well, I at least know Cal does). But I’m not ashamed to admit I really like the books. No, they aren’t my favorite works of literature by a long shot, and Harry Potter (underlined and italicized for book and movie) is way, way better, but I can’t lie. Twilight is my guilty pleasure. Notice how I underlined that. As in, Twilight the book. I’m going to go ahead and say the movie version SUCKED. A LOT. I laughed the majority of the movie and when I wasn’t laughing I was cringing at the terrible dialogue, and even more terrible acting.

Which brings me to New Moon. New Moon is my least favorite of the series. I cried sobbed wept like a little baby when I read it, so now I don’t read it, at all. I’m reading 50 books in one year and I completely skipped this one. So imagine how weary I was when I saw it come to the theaters! I said, “No!” and “Not I!” and “I will not spend my money on you, NEW MOON” (italics not because it is a movie, but because of my disdain). I also added in a bit of “I’ve been burnt by you before *cough*Twilight*cough* and I refuse to let you draw me in with your hot, shirtless, built, sexy, god-like guys.” (Sorry, got carried away. But not going to lie, that was me using restraint. This list could go on for a while.)

But I did. I went, and I saw it, and…I liked it. I KNOW! Crazy world we are living in. So in a sort of movie review, I’ve come up with five reasons why I liked it:

Reason 5: Jacob Black is back!

I like Jacob. I liked him in the books, and I really like him in the movie. And not just because he is shirtless over half of the movie (boys beware: this topic is likely to be mentioned again). Taylor Lautner is a really good actor; I was unsure about him in Twilight, but I think they just gave him some awkward lines. He had a major role in this movie, and I really like how he handled the character. Jacob can be annoying and a complete ass, but Taylor makes him humorous which makes him more endearing.

Reason 4: The acting improved

I mean, I don’t see anyone getting an Oscar any time soon, but overall the acting was much better than Twilight. I know it has a lot to do with the dialogue, as it was no where near as awful as it was in Twilight. However, there were some pretty terrible lines. And so many opportunities for “that’s what she said.” Within the first ten minutes one of the characters said something, I can’t even remember what, and it was so terrible I laughed really, really loudly. And no one else in the theater laughed with me. But I didn’t care, because I was laughing so much! And even though I hate and loath Kristen Stewart, I must admit she did better. I don’t know what it was, but she looked better in this movie too. I think by the time the fourth movie rolls around she might get the hang of this acting thing. Hopefully. Because the fourth book is CRAZY and she is going to have to step up her game. A lot. Other than her, Robert Pattinson still sucked. Everyone else was great!

Reason 3: Robert Pattinson was not in the majority of the movie.

Okay, somewhere my cousin is reading this and rolling her eyes. Because she does that every time I utter this sentence. But I’m serious! I don’t think Twilight sucked as much as I think it did, but I simply can’t watch it because of Robert. *And cue rant* I didn’t like him in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and I dislike him worse in Twilight. I don’t think he can act, and I don’t think he is even remotely attractive. Edward is supposed to be a god-like creature; someone girls all over the world would want to build statues of and worship. And they decided that the ONE GUY who could fit that description was…. Robert Pattinson? I just don’t get it. *end rant*

Reason 2: Jacob Black is shirtless!

How did you *not* know this was going to make the list? I guarantee you a lot of girls flocked to the theater for this reason, and this reason alone. I am not ashamed to admit I am one of these girls. Hi, my name is Lauren and I like Jacob Black with no shirt on. Sue me. It is my right as a lady. Also, when Robert Pattinson took off his shirt towards the end of the movie I was the ONLY person in the theater laughing hysterically. When you’ve been staring at Taylor the whole movie, Rob sort of… pales in comparison. (vampire joke! vampire joke!)

Reason 1: Mike Newton.

Okay, if you haven’t read the book or seen the movie, this one is totally lost on you. Mike Newton is amazing. Simply astounding. His character is so annoying in the book that you just want to hit him; and yet, you feel sorry for him because he just can’t seem to comprehend that Bella is forever going to be with Edward. Like the whole blood test scene in the science class (which was MUCH better in the book, as most things are). Or! Or my favorite scene from New Moon: when Mike Newton, Jacob and Bella all go to the movie and Mike Newton gets sick. I don’t know why, but I laughed really, really hard at that scene. I found it much funnier than it was supposed to be. And that was all I really wanted from this movie. You may take away Jacob betraying his best friend but you may NEVER take away Mike Newton!

I suppose, for the guys who are still reading this (to which I say, congratulations! I’m proud of you! Go get a cookie. Go ahead, I’ll wait….) I should insert an actual review of movie things. (That sentence right there should tell you this isn’t going to be a spectacular review of “movie things.”) I thought the special effects were good, but I don’t know; they could have been a little better? Sometimes the werewolves were realistic (as much as they could get) but sometimes they were really fake looking. The cinematography was really lovely and I actually did enjoy this movie. I wholeheartedly believe this movie was a zillion times better than Twilight, so if you can stand to, give this movie a chance.

Very recently the dear old Hollywood Foreign Press Association released the nominations for the Golden Globes. Now, usually I am all about the movies, and don’t get me wrong, I am THRILLED to see my dear, sweet, beautiful Matt Damon nominated TWICE! But there is something more pressing than the fact that Coraline should beat UP.

GLEE, one of my favorite new shows, has been nominated for FOUR awards. FOUR. A while ago, when Glee first debuted, I posted a little blog about why you should be watching it. (You can find that post here.) Now, that post was after viewing one episode, when the show was new to all of our minds. It was fresh! Exciting! A MUSICAL! And I loved it. After viewing the entire first half of the first season (the show didn’t think it was going to do well so they only filmed 13 episodes, ergo last week was the last of this half of the first season) I have my “complaints” mainly revolving around a boring baby storyline, but now that they have gotten all of that sorted out (sort of) I just sit alone, in my room, crying, begging it to come back.

In case you don’t know the plot line, allow me to give you a quick summary. Mr. Shuester is the high school Spanish teacher who takes over the school’s glee club. The glee club diva (and lead female vocal) that everyone loves to hate is Rachel Berry, who loves Finn, the male vocal lead. But Finn has a girlfriend, Quinn, who was the star of the cheer-leading squad (led by the ruthless Sue Sylvester) until she got knocked up by the hottie Puck, Finn’s best friend. But Puck and Quinn told everyone the baby daddy was Finn. The ongoing plot of the first half of the first season is getting enough people to join the glee club so they can go to sectionals.

Wow. Did you follow that? No? Just go watch the show. So the Golden Globes realized how awesome this show is, and nominated Glee for four awards:

Best Television Series- Comedy or Musical

Best performance by an actress in a television series- comedy or musical

Lea Michele- Rachel Berry

Best performance by an actor in a television series- comedy or musical

Matthew Morrison- Will Shuester

Best performance by an actress in a supporting role in a series, mini-series, or motion picture made for television

Jane Lynch- Sue Sylvester

Now, do I think Glee will come in and sweep out all the awards? No I do not. Yes, I would love for them to take them all, but I have my reservations. Also nominated for best series is that horrible 30 Rock show, and for some unknown reason the awards people love it. Why? I have no idea. I once watched two episodes so I could make a fair judgment and I disliked it so much I couldn’t even tell you what the episodes were about.

Next– Matthew Morrison. I just feel like whenever I want something to win at an awards show, it doesn’t. I mean, John Cryer over Neil Patrick Harris? Insanity. (Speaking of which, Neil is nominated! yay!) I don’t know if Glee is popular enough for Matthew Morrison to win over Steve Carell or that pesky Alec Baldwin. And the same with Jane Lynch. She is absolutely brilliant as the devil Sue Sylvester, but can she beat out the other women? I don’t watch any of the other shows nominated (not because I don’t want to, because I don’t even have time to post a bullshish blog let alone watch five hundred different TV shows).

The only category I feel confident is best actress. For those of you who do watch Glee, you have to admit. Lea Michele plays the perfect diva. Without her, there would be no glee club. Out of all the nominations I’m hoping Lea takes the award home. Since the internet is doing a good job taking down videos, I can’t actually show you her acting. But this clip alone should be reason enough to let the girl win an award:

Okay, so, please don’t take this as any sort of PREDICTION. These are just OPINIONS. I do not make predictions for awards shows. So for you Gleeks out there, do you think Glee stands a chance? Thoughts? Opinions? Predictions (if you do that sort of thing)?

So when CSI first started, I was there. I watched with baited breath as they apprehended criminals, I shouted at the television when they missed OBVIOUS clues only to see that it all worked out in the end. I loved this show so very much. This, of course, was CSI: LAS VEGAS. Back then it was just CSI: Crime Scene Investigation because there were no other ones on. Then the network got scared that other stations would adopt the idea and use different states, so they created CSI: MIAMI and hired a down and out David Caruso. Internet, my heart leaped with joy. I love, love, love CSI: MIAMI. Once I started college I had to quit watching it weekly because projects and tests and quizzes and my booming social life got in the way (those frequent trips to Disney didn’t help either). Then I moved to a new school and while I have friends, and a social life, there is no Disney or Downtown Disney to escape to. I find myself with a bit more free time. Watching TV one day I saw a commercial for the premiere of season eight of CSI: MIAMI. Season EIGHT! I stopped watching at the end of season four! So I decided to catch up on the seasons I missed.

Well, I went home this weekend and found myself with no new CSI: MIAMI to watch, which forced me to watch CSI: LAS VEGAS. And Internet, can I just say how much disdain I have for LAS VEGAS now that I have a borderline obsession with MIAMI? That is why I’ve decided to create this special list, just for you. It is a list of ten reasons why you should be watching MIAMI instead of LAS VEGAS. If you’ve never seen either, but maybe you want to watch an episode or two to see if you are interested, please read this and realize that you need to watch MIAMI. I’ve done all the necessary research, YOU’RE WELCOME.

Also, it should be noted that I did not care one little bit about CSI: NEW YORK, so don’t even consider that an option. And without further ado, here are the top ten reasons you should be watching MIAMI instead of LAS VEGAS:

10. Better looking cast.

This is number ten because it is the most superficial of all the entries on this list. But a nice looking cast is a plus for any show, and MIAMI definitely has the better-looking cast. The exception to the lackluster cast of LAS VEGAS is George Eads who plays Nick Stokes. That man is just…. more than exceptionally fine. The exception to the otherwise beautiful cast of MIAMI is, I hate to say, David Caruso who plays our main man (and my personal hero) Horatio.

We are CSI: LAS VEGAS. We are not that pretty!

We are CSI: MIAMI! We have awards for our beauty!

9. Closer, more supportive staff.

From the beginning of LAS VEGAS it seems as though Catherine is out for Grissom’s job, even if she has to move to the daytime team. At one point in the series the team actually splits into two separate teams, Catherine leading one and Grissom leading the other. I did not like this. The dynamic was lost and it just felt like a competition. With MIAMI, Horatio is in charge and everyone on the team trusts them with their life, because he is just that good at always being there when needed. No one wants his job because he is just so darn good at it. They know their place, and often Horatio will bail them out of trouble because he trusts them and is always on their side. Grissom is just all, “Do you know what this bug means? No? Are you joking with me right now? I can’t tell because I don’t have social skills. Bye.”

8. More techniques and explanations of the lab.

Oh come on. You may know what DB stands for (dead body) and GSR (gun shot residue) and maybe a few other little terms, but for the most part you have no idea what they are taking about. The great thing about MIAMI is that they find creative ways of working into the dialogue what they are doing, or why they are doing it, or the machine they are using. LAS VEGAS doesn’t spend a whole lot of time showing lab procedures which makes MIAMI more informative, and FUN!

7. It is just brighter.

Okay, I need to state the obvious reason it is brighter. CSI MIAMI focuses on the daytime team. CSI LAS VEGAS focuses on the night team. But! Before you say that makes this stupid, I must submit to you that inside the lab it isn’t that dark. They need to invest in some lights! Pronto! The offices are all gray and black, dark and drab with a sort of macabre feeling. MIAMI is all white and clean and crisp and oranges and blues and color! It is a fun, festive environment they work in.

We are CSI: LAS VEGAS! We like to creep around in the dark!

We are CSI: MIAMI! We can actually see what we are doing!

6. Swamp trumps desert.

You learned this with your basic episodes of M*A*S*H. Scenes in the Swamp were significantly better than the scenes in the open desert, healing some sick family the doctor’s couldn’t communicate with. It is just a fact. The go-to location of MIAMI is the everglades complete with gators and many amazing places to dump bodies, hide cars, drown people, etc. LAS VEGAS has the desert, complete with… heat. I hate the heat. I hate deserts. You can die of thirst and heat exhaustion. No thank you.

Nothing but heat and awfulness.

At least if you die here, you die surrounded by pretty trees and nature!

5. MIAMI has an episode telling how the team became the team.

The season premiere of season 8 had continuous flashbacks, complete with characters that have passed away since the first season, and showed how certain people got into the CSI business and how their characters have developed. It was quite entertaining. I loved it.

4. More things happen to the characters.

I originally wanted to put on my list the episode where Ryan gets shot in the eye with a nail gun (season 4 episode 8), because Jonathon Togo’s acting is fantastic, and LAS VEGAS can’t match that. But then I remembered that time Quentin Tarantino came onto LV as a guest director and CSI Nick was buried alive. That episode scared the crap out of me because I do not like watching people in movies and TV shows get buried alive. And if you are thinking this is Uma Thurman in Kill Bill buried alive, you are wrong. This is very different, and a LOT scarier. The episode (s 5 ep 24-25 ) STILL gives me the chills. So I changed this category to more things happen to the characters in MIAMI. Someone is forever getting shot, held hostage, attacked, held at gun-point by ex lovers, etc. LAS VEGAS is all, “do de do de do we like bugs!” See? Boring!

You think YOUR day was bad? This guy has a nail coming out of his eye.

3. MIAMI has more action.

They are all the time blowing things up, shooting people, being shot at, having high speed chases (on land and sea), running after criminals, going to Brazil and killing people… the fun and adventure never ends. Just when you think things are all calm, BAM! Something happens and you are all, “Oh MIAMI. You got me again!” I mean, by the end of one episode Horatio would have caught the suspect, gotten him to talk, gotten him to give up his drug pals, taken down the biggest underground drug rings in Miami, gotten his son out of jail, saved his CSI from impending death, AND have time for a quick moment to gaze out of the window, taking it all in. Grissom? He would still be at his desk wondering what a specific bug was trying to tell him.

2. MIAMI Justice.

Here is a clip. You do not need to know what the setting events are for this scene, you just need to know that this would NEVER happen in LAS VEGAS.

And finally, I present to you the number one reason why you should be watching CSI MIAMI over CSI LAS VEGAS.

1. Horatio’s infamous opening one-liners.

The first season doesn’t have the high quality one-liners because they were still in development at the time. By the end of the first season you see them coming into play, but they just get better (and by better I mean cheesier) as the seasons go on. This is what makes the show worth watching. The first few minutes of the show sets up the murder with Horatio and his team showing up on the scene. Horatio talks to someone, be it another CSI, the lead detective cop guy, or the medical examiner, and somehow they set him up for the PERFECT line. Then, of course, comes the theme song We Don’t Get Fooled Again sung by The Who. The thing that makes these moments so perfect is the timing of when he puts the sunglasses on. I found a video for you (the short version), compiling some of the great one-liners. Enjoy.

I hope this list helps you realize the amazingness that is CSI: MIAMI and the just-okayness that is LAS VEGAS. I know you will make the right decision. If not, I could always get Horatio to persuade you.