improbable fiction

Okay, okay, okay boys. Calm down. I know you dislike hate LOATH the Twilight series (well, I at least know Cal does). But I’m not ashamed to admit I really like the books. No, they aren’t my favorite works of literature by a long shot, and Harry Potter (underlined and italicized for book and movie) is way, way better, but I can’t lie. Twilight is my guilty pleasure. Notice how I underlined that. As in, Twilight the book. I’m going to go ahead and say the movie version SUCKED. A LOT. I laughed the majority of the movie and when I wasn’t laughing I was cringing at the terrible dialogue, and even more terrible acting.

Which brings me to New Moon. New Moon is my least favorite of the series. I cried sobbed wept like a little baby when I read it, so now I don’t read it, at all. I’m reading 50 books in one year and I completely skipped this one. So imagine how weary I was when I saw it come to the theaters! I said, “No!” and “Not I!” and “I will not spend my money on you, NEW MOON” (italics not because it is a movie, but because of my disdain). I also added in a bit of “I’ve been burnt by you before *cough*Twilight*cough* and I refuse to let you draw me in with your hot, shirtless, built, sexy, god-like guys.” (Sorry, got carried away. But not going to lie, that was me using restraint. This list could go on for a while.)

But I did. I went, and I saw it, and…I liked it. I KNOW! Crazy world we are living in. So in a sort of movie review, I’ve come up with five reasons why I liked it:

Reason 5: Jacob Black is back!

I like Jacob. I liked him in the books, and I really like him in the movie. And not just because he is shirtless over half of the movie (boys beware: this topic is likely to be mentioned again). Taylor Lautner is a really good actor; I was unsure about him in Twilight, but I think they just gave him some awkward lines. He had a major role in this movie, and I really like how he handled the character. Jacob can be annoying and a complete ass, but Taylor makes him humorous which makes him more endearing.

Reason 4: The acting improved

I mean, I don’t see anyone getting an Oscar any time soon, but overall the acting was much better than Twilight. I know it has a lot to do with the dialogue, as it was no where near as awful as it was in Twilight. However, there were some pretty terrible lines. And so many opportunities for “that’s what she said.” Within the first ten minutes one of the characters said something, I can’t even remember what, and it was so terrible I laughed really, really loudly. And no one else in the theater laughed with me. But I didn’t care, because I was laughing so much! And even though I hate and loath Kristen Stewart, I must admit she did better. I don’t know what it was, but she looked better in this movie too. I think by the time the fourth movie rolls around she might get the hang of this acting thing. Hopefully. Because the fourth book is CRAZY and she is going to have to step up her game. A lot. Other than her, Robert Pattinson still sucked. Everyone else was great!

Reason 3: Robert Pattinson was not in the majority of the movie.

Okay, somewhere my cousin is reading this and rolling her eyes. Because she does that every time I utter this sentence. But I’m serious! I don’t think Twilight sucked as much as I think it did, but I simply can’t watch it because of Robert. *And cue rant* I didn’t like him in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and I dislike him worse in Twilight. I don’t think he can act, and I don’t think he is even remotely attractive. Edward is supposed to be a god-like creature; someone girls all over the world would want to build statues of and worship. And they decided that the ONE GUY who could fit that description was…. Robert Pattinson? I just don’t get it. *end rant*

Reason 2: Jacob Black is shirtless!

How did you *not* know this was going to make the list? I guarantee you a lot of girls flocked to the theater for this reason, and this reason alone. I am not ashamed to admit I am one of these girls. Hi, my name is Lauren and I like Jacob Black with no shirt on. Sue me. It is my right as a lady. Also, when Robert Pattinson took off his shirt towards the end of the movie I was the ONLY person in the theater laughing hysterically. When you’ve been staring at Taylor the whole movie, Rob sort of… pales in comparison. (vampire joke! vampire joke!)

Reason 1: Mike Newton.

Okay, if you haven’t read the book or seen the movie, this one is totally lost on you. Mike Newton is amazing. Simply astounding. His character is so annoying in the book that you just want to hit him; and yet, you feel sorry for him because he just can’t seem to comprehend that Bella is forever going to be with Edward. Like the whole blood test scene in the science class (which was MUCH better in the book, as most things are). Or! Or my favorite scene from New Moon: when Mike Newton, Jacob and Bella all go to the movie and Mike Newton gets sick. I don’t know why, but I laughed really, really hard at that scene. I found it much funnier than it was supposed to be. And that was all I really wanted from this movie. You may take away Jacob betraying his best friend but you may NEVER take away Mike Newton!

I suppose, for the guys who are still reading this (to which I say, congratulations! I’m proud of you! Go get a cookie. Go ahead, I’ll wait….) I should insert an actual review of movie things. (That sentence right there should tell you this isn’t going to be a spectacular review of “movie things.”) I thought the special effects were good, but I don’t know; they could have been a little better? Sometimes the werewolves were realistic (as much as they could get) but sometimes they were really fake looking. The cinematography was really lovely and I actually did enjoy this movie. I wholeheartedly believe this movie was a zillion times better than Twilight, so if you can stand to, give this movie a chance.